An Official Gathering of Gym Leaders
by JinjoJess
Summary: Upon receiving a letter inviting all the Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Orange League gym leaders to a summit at Ever Grande City, tempers flare and pandamonium ensues. Contains mild homosexuality and profanity. Reviews appreciated! HOLY CRAP I UPDATED
1. the letter

**An Official Gathering of Gym Leaders  
  
by: Jess  
**  
_This story is inspired by my love of the gym leaders (especially those of Kanto) in the Pokemon video game series and Kanna-Ophelia's Christmas Party story. I only hope I can live up to her high, and rightfully so, writing standards._

_I do not own anyone in this story save a few extra characters of no real consequence. All gym leader personalities are my own opinions of how they would act, based mostly on my impression of the game sprites. Only Brock and Misty will be portrayed as they were in the anime._

* * *

"Oh...shit!"  
The expletive rang sharply throughout the halls of Indigo Plateau, alerting the other members of the Elite Four and prompting them to scurry toward its source in the great library. Once arriving, a distressed Lance met their gaze, pacing back and forth before the raging fireplace, reading what appeared to be a letter.  
Exchanging concerned glances, the four talented trainers silently debated who would assume the daunting task of approaching the most powerful, and most petulant, of their group. Sighing deeply, Bruno stepped forward to speak, regretting the day when his two former teammates had left the Plateau in search of either spiritual enlightenment or attractive young men; he was never sure which. Now he was left with an insane party girl, a highly strict ninja, a nerdy brownnoser, and...Lance. He paused a moment to shudder.  
"Hey, Lan—'Champion,'" he bellowed affably, "what seems to be the problem?" The fiery-headed young man halted in his frantic gait to look at his oldest remaining friend.  
"What's wrong? What's _wrong?_" he mocked, his voice rising steadily in pitch.  
"Um...yeah," Bruno nervously replied. He was the first to admit that he lacked the clever, ornate language of his companions, and he feared his succinctness could be misconstrued as brusque, further infuriating the slim Champion.  
"Well, my dear Bruno," Lance began, seemingly having calmed down since gaining an audience, "I have just received this letter from our colleague, Steven."  
"Steven?" Will asked, confused.  
"The Champion of the Hoenn League," Koga offered, finding his wispy voice, "However, what I don't know is why he would contact us."  
"No one's contacted _us_," Lance reminded the former Fuchsia Gym Leader, "Steven obviously wants to confer with _me_..." He trailed off as Karen plucked the letter from his hand in the frank manner beloved in her mother.  
"Hmmm...I see."  
"What!? What is it!?" Will begged, looking as though he'd experience an embarrassing accident if Karen didn't relate the news soon.  
"Steve wants to call together all the gym leaders in the Kanto, Johto, Orange, and Hoenn Leagues," the blonde told them, reading from the memo, "to examine possible routes to improve the badge earning system. Hm."  
"Let's go then!" the masked trainer cried, "let's inform all the leaders that they WILL attend this summit..."  
"Hold on a second, Will!" Lance snapped, trying to recover control over the room, "though we will inform the Kanto and Johto gyms, the Orange League doesn't fall under our jurisdiction."  
"We'll have to contact Drake," Bruno muttered to himself, his mind drifting toward other trainers currently residing in the Orange Islands who may be interested in such a meeting.  
"I doubt Drake will object," Koga stated confidently, just before Bruno suddenly shoved him aside.  
"Lance! The Orange Islands! We can invite LORELEI!"  
The dragon trainer started at the mention of the former Elite Four member, summoning memories from back in the days when his crazy schemes where actually challenged and shot down.  
"My friend," he sneered, regaining his composure, "don't you mean 'Prima?'"  
"Right, right, her alias," Bruno grunted, undaunted, "well we're at it, let's contact Agatha too!"  
"Mom would love something like this!" Karen agreed, readying her murkrow to send word to the eccentric hag right away.  
Groaning, Lance's heart dropped. He had hoped to make a show of his absolute power in front of Steven and the Hoenn Elite Four/Five, but with the old group back together, this dream was farfetched at best.  
He sighed in resignation. _At least I can take out my frustration on sixteen gym leaders_, he reflected, before recalling a key piece of information, _well, fifteen_.


	2. an interesting gym leader cocktail

**Chapter 2**  
  
_Thanks to those of you who like the story so far! I realize that last time was just pretty much some setup stuff, and this chapter is a bit longer, but doesn't yet delve into the actual gathering quite yet. There's still a  
few things that I think go on in the Pokemon World that people who live outside my head may not be familiar with. Most of the gym leaders should  
show up in this section, but if your favorite doesn't, just be patient._

* * *

"Though I enjoyed my stay in the Orange Islands, I must admit that it feels refreshing to come home," Lorelei stated simply as she entered Indigo Plateau's grandiose gold and silver doors. Bruno merrily sidled up beside her, suitcases in hand, and nodded vigorously.  
"It's even better to have you home," he beamed, leading her to her old room, "Lance's gotten pretty puffed up since you guys left."  
"You mean more than he was already?" the woman joked, winking at her dear friend over the rim of her glasses.  
"You've got no idea," the burly man chuckled, and almost in reply to this statement, a cry burst forth from down the corridor, followed by a rather loud, quite officious order.  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HE REFUSES?!"  
"Well, your Champion-ness, sir, he claims that as leader of an autonomous state, he has the right to refuse your...erm...invitation," Will was explaining as the two seasoned Elite Four members reached the study. Koga leaned against the far wall, solemnly rubbing his temples, while Karen sat on the table and appeared bored.  
"No," Lance growled, "as the leader of an autonomous state, he has the right to refuse an order from Sabrina, not _me_."  
"Bruno, I must admit that I doubted you before, but it seems that our boy has indeed become more conceited in my absence," the master water and ice-type trainer remarked just loud enough for Lance to overhear.  
Turning sharply, he stared at his former colleague for a few stunned moments, before launching into a saccharine greeting.  
"Lorelei!" he gushed, taking her hand in his and planting a stiff kiss on it, "it's been ages! Or rather, should I call you 'Prima' now?" She responded with a knowing smile and reclaimed her hand.  
"Oh, that is not necessary, dear Lance," she countered, "or should I say, 'Champion?' After all, we _are_ good friends, _aren't_ we?"  
"Yes, I suppose we are," he replied unemotionally, just as the door to the study was violently kicked open.  
"Lance! Just as stupid and self important as ever, I see!"  
"Hello, Agatha. You're looking well too," the dragon master muttered.  
"What's wrong with you bums, were you raised by slowpoke? Take my bags!" With that, the sprightly old woman gestured to a mountain of luggage behind her. Bruno and Koga affably gathered up multiple suitcases while Will struggled with one.  
"I suppose you had fun in the Archipelago, eh Lorelei? I hear that there, _lots_ people drive on both sides of the street," the ghost expert asked slyly, nudging the blushing woman beside her.  
"How was the world, Mom?" Karen inquired, deciding that the room had just become much more interesting.  
"Not as amazing as they'd let you think," Agatha stated, tying on her trademark apron, "the people and the pokemon, however, never disappointed."  
She glanced pointedly at Lance.  
"Well, almost never."  
"Yes, yes, we can all hear about your lovely vacation when we've successfully rounded up all the gym leaders for this convention," the Champion interrupted, shoving Karen out of the way, "all leaders of Kanto and Johto should arrive any minute."  
"Don't you mean Kanto, Johto, and Cinnibar Island?" asked a tall, bald man sporting tinted glasses, a lab coat, and a rather large mustache.  
"Blaine! Is that really you? I haven't seen you since our sending off party!" Lorelei cried and dashed to greet the older man.  
"It must be nice to have something competent around again," Agatha remarked, accompanying her comment with a swift kick to Lance's shin.  
"Ah! Blaine, my friend, have you recently paid visit to my former abode?" Koga inquired as he and the others returned.  
"As a matter of fact, I was there this morning. I must say, that daughter of yours may even rival you for expert poison trainer. Except, of course, for her unbounded enthusiasm," the fire expert chuckled.  
"You're just saying that because you knew I was hiding here!" a sweet, young voice shot from behind the door.  
"Janine!" Koga uncharacteristically grinned, "I've missed you!" The father and daughter met in a loving embrace, leaving Lorelei standing slightly behind them, smiling sadly.  
"Don't worry, dear," Blaine whispered, walking up beside her, "I've also been to Cerulean City recently and can report that at least your youngest shows some potential." She smiled appreciatively as three more gym leaders filed in.  
"Brock, for the last time...I don't enjoy the company of men!" Erika attempted to sternly discipline the rock-type trainer, yet his advances remained undaunted.  
"But I could change all that, I'm sure!" he prattled, seizing her hands in his own before having them swatted away by a butterfly net.  
"Calm down, Brocky. Erika may not like men, but I sure do!" Bugsy teased, poking the lovesick young man with his net playfully.  
"Are you sure you should be flirting with Brock when you have a boyfriend of your own?" Gary asked haughtily as he entered, accompanied by a shadowy figure flanked by several guards. Though most were clad in black uniforms, two sported white outfits, and the androgynous blue haired man stared in an accusatory manner at the Azalea gym leader.  
"Honey!" Bugsy gasped, "I had no idea _you_ were coming!" The blue haired white Rocket made a point of looking away, posing dramatically, while his red-headed friend patted his shoulder, repeating, "It's okay, James, it's okay."  
Faulkner rolled his eyes as he strode into the room. He had received the notice to come to Indigo Plateau right away and had taken his time arriving. For a serious-minded young man on a mission such as himself, he had no patience for the hijinks of his colleagues, regardless of how entertaining they seemed to think they were.  
Without warning, the lights in the room suddenly shut off, plunging the congregation into darkness. Thick fog began to fill the room, alarming most of those present. Lance attempted to appear in control of the situation, despite the fact that he hadn't been since Blaine arrived, while Agatha and the latter exchanged knowing glances.  
"Gym Leaders..." an eerie voice echoed within the confines of the large study, "I am here to kill you all..."  
"Wah! We're all gonna die!" Will cried, clutching Lance's cape in terror. The response was a peal of hysterical laughter, and in floated the political leader of Kanto.  
"You should have seen the looks on your faces!" the tall woman managed between fits of giggles. "I expected more of you, Will," she added, flipping her long, black tresses behind her.  
"Sabrina! There is a time and place for practical jokes, and now IS NOT THE TIME!" Lance roared, ignoring the fact that the psychic trainer had vanished and reappeared next to Agatha and Blaine, leaving him hollering into the face of a disgruntled young woman.  
"If you insist on treating your guests in such a manner," Jasmine hissed through clenched teeth, "then I suppose we could just leave."  
"Oh lighten up, Jaz," Morty chuckled as he sauntered over to join them, "it's not his fault he's an egotistical bastard." The two walked off, laughing, as Lance fumed after them.  
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!"  
Everyone in the room turned toward Brock, who was standing next a bowl of fruit, raising his arms in a defensive manner.  
"Aw, c'mon Whit, ya knows ya like it," cooed the abnormally huge man in army fatigues.  
"Surge, I swear that if you weren't a lieutenant and the leader of Vermillion's gym, I'd sock you in the jaw right now," growled Whitney, clenching a tiny fist to emphasize her point.  
The results of such a scuffle, however, were postponed, due to more arrivals. A tubby man and his aged companion shuffled in, patiently feigning interest in what the three very pretty, very vapid women accompanying them were saying.  
"So, like, then we, like, were like, 'We're, like, way prettier than, like, you' and she was like..."  
"Will you three just SHUT UP!" Pryce snapped, unable to stand much more. Chuck and Misty appeared relieved, effortlessly holding the ice leader back and enjoying the shocked looks on the other three Waterflower's faces.  
Seeing his opportunity, Lance seized the stunned silence and leapt atop the table in the center of the room.  
"My dear gym leaders and fellow members of the Elite Four," he began, "it is my sincerest pleasure to welcome you here today to Indigo Plateau."  
Agatha snickered.  
"By the looks of things, everyone seems to be doing well," Brock and Surge grinned, earning a glare from the women in the room, "and I hope you look forward to our summit with the Hoenn League."  
A few muffled conversations broke out in the crowd as Lance continued. "Now, we must put our best foot forward on this momentous occasion, so that the members of Hoenn can recognize the superior power of the Indigo and Johto Leagues."  
"Hear, hear!" cried Will. He was ignored.  
"I spoke with Drake this morning and he informed me that the Orange Crew is already on their way to Ever Grande City. So without further ado, let us..."  
Lance's sentence trailed off as he noticed the final remaining gym leader and political leader of Johto confidently stride into the room. Bewildered by his sudden and uncharacteristic silence, the trainers swiveled around to see what was going on. A few satisfied grins erupted once it became apparent who had appeared.  
"Well, it seems that once again I'm tainting your delusions of grandeur," Claire remarked, "isn't that right, _little brother_?"

* * *

_Well, that's it for chapter two. I realize that I didn't do much character analysis yet, but I was just introducing everyone and furthering the plot.  
  
Before we go on, I'd like to take a moment to put out an author's note to make a few things clear. First off, I really hate Lance. I think he's a smug, egotistical bastard, to borrow Morty's description, and yet as with most of my fanfiction, I end up writing about him an awful lot. Secondly, Blaine and Cinnibar Island are my favorite gym leader/place in the games. Maybe it's because of my penchant for fire-types, but I really hate the way the anime ruined both of them. Cinnibar is a proud, independent nation with multiple resources and talented inhabitants, while Blaine is a recluse, yes, but also a skilled trainer who is wise and intelligent. NOT a silly riddle-cracking hippy. He is bald, but he doesn't wear a wig, and he keeps his mustache, lab coat, and glasses just like his game sprite. The last thing I dislike is how in GSC the Elite Four is changed. I used to love concocting humorous escapades for the original four. I missed Lorelei and Agatha (especially Agatha, she's my favorite E4 member), and who were they replaced with? Crazy ass Karen and groupie Will. Boo! Anyway, I'm done ranting, and you can expect the next installment in the near future._


	3. slash runs amok

**Chapter 3**  
  
_It took awhile to find some time to write another chapter, so don't get too  
angry with me if this isn't very long or detailed. I got in trouble  
multiple times today at work while doing people favors. I love kids, I  
really do, but when they hassle you for chicken fingers when you just  
cooked 250 for the next day's lunch, it can grate on your nerves._

* * *

"Cheap bastard."  
Chuck's complaint seemed to echo in the minds of the other gym leaders as they languidly gazed off the deck of the S.S. Anne, wondering why, if not plane tickets, Lance couldn't have at least sprung for the fast ship S.S. Aqua.  
"At this rate, the Orange Crew and the Hoenn League will be finished with the caucus!" Whitney moaned.  
"Yeah, I only know of one thing slower than this cruise liner," Morty chuckled and glanced at Pryce. The old man responded by grumbling something about whippersnappers and psychos, while Will tried ineffectually to calm everyone's nerves. He was a tad slighted that he, Koga, and Karen had been left out of the Elite/country leader meeting occurring below deck in the captain's suite, but the others seemed to fare much better. Janine and Koga were spending some quality filial time together, and Karen found joy in tormenting Bugsy.  
"Really?" she asked, leaning forward as if to prove her interest in the subject, "you've been dating a real live Rocket?"  
"Uh, yeah, kinda..." the young man admitted nervously, fidgeting and trying to edge away.  
"_Kinda?!_" James exploded, leaping up from Giovanni's side, "I gave you my maidenhood and this is how you repay me?!" His red-headed companion sniffed and muttered, "I doubt that."  
"No, no! All I meant was that you and Jesse aren't really, _real_ Rockets, you know?" Bugsy attempted to explain, but instead of assuaging James' fears, they ignited his teammate's.  
"HOW DARE YOU TELL US THAT WE AREN'T 'REAL' ROCKETS!" Jesse roared, shoving the frightened blue haired man out of her way and confronting the young bug trainer head on.  
"Uh...uh...Karen, would you care to help?" he stammered, and noticed to his dismay that the dark-type master had fled.  
"Come on you little faggot, let's settle this with a battle!" the white Rocket challenged, producing a pokeball from seemingly inside her midriff exposing top.  
"If you wish to keep your job, you'd better stop," Giovanni warned, "Though he fights with a kakuna and a metapod, they'll still probably beat your team. Besides, you have no room to insult anyone's sexual orientation." Behind him, Cassidy leered at Jesse over Gary's head, letting her know that she didn't intend to be forgotten about.  
  
"I don't get why Giovanni is here," Misty told Faulkner, "I mean, he doesn't really run the Viridian Gym anymore. It's Gary's job."  
"Gary doesn't yet hold full ownership of the gym yet," Faulkner explained, "the previous leader must be present at all official business until the paperwork can be sorted out. That's how it worked when I took over for my father."  
"Well, I'd feel better if the Officer Jennies on this ship weren't so...preoccupied," the youngest Waterflower sighed, glancing in Erika and Brock's direction.  
  
"Oh Officer," the Celadon Gym Leader gushed, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, "my, that is a beautiful uniform!"  
"Why, um, thank you, Miss Erika," replied the blushing policewoman, "it's standard issue."  
"Really? Well I'm sure that it looks the most becoming on you," the grass-type trainer giggled, "our own Jenny in Celadon is very pretty indeed, but no match for you."  
"I...guh," Jenny stuttered, feeling her professionalism slipping.  
"And what could two gorgeous young ladies such as yourselves be discussing on this fine morning?" Brock asked in his best suave voice, sauntering up.  
"Sir, keep you distance or I'll have to use force," the officer growled, upset that the flirting had ended.  
"Look! Lorelei!"  
As all three snapped their heads in the Elite's supposed direction, Misty snatched Brock's ear and yanked him away from the unfavorable circumstances he'd once again found himself in.  
"You really need a class on broadening your horizons," she muttered, "once again you've failed to notice that both your intended targets are more interested in each other than you."  
"But I'm a fun guy," Brock argued, now quite accustomed to the searing pain in his ear.  
"I know someone else who could benefit from a class on alternate lifestyles," Jasmine added cryptically as the two friends passed.  
"Huh?" Misty asked, doing a dead on impression of her best friend Ash Ketchum. The steel trainer, disinclined to answer, simply nodded toward the pink haired girl leaning over the railing.

* * *

_Um, yeah. Short, like I said. Hopefully, there's enough Erika this time for you, John. Also, I tried to clear up why Giovanni and the rest of Team Rocket are coming along for the ride. I don't know how funny this chapter is, so I rely on you, the generous reviewers, for imput. If I get more time, I'll add another chapter._


	4. more SS Annetics

**Chapter 4  
**  
_Here's chapter four, longer and with a bit of luck, more enjoyable for all.  
Hopefully, this will clear up Giovanni's presence and the fact that he's accompanied by Rockets. There should only be a few more chapters in this story, so it'll be wrapping up soon to your dismay/delight, whichever you prefer._

* * *

"Lily?"  
"GAH!" Jasmine cried in frustration, collapsing to the ground in a comic manner, "No! Whitney!"  
"OH!" Misty gasped, her eyes wide, "I was about to say, there's no way my sisters are gay; I know that for a fact." Ignoring the implications of such a statement, Jasmine chose instead to explain.  
"She's been trying to tell me in a round-about way that she finds women attractive," she sighed, "Whit seems to think something's wrong with her."  
"There's nothing wrong with that!" the young red-head exclaimed, irritating Pryce, who was sunning himself on a lawn chair beside them.  
"Can you continue your little discussion somewhere else?" he asked, barely suppressing his pent up rage. Silently, Misty and Jasmine sidled away toward the others, abandoning a whimpering Brock lying on the ground, clutching his vest.  
"Now that's more like it," the ice trainer grinned, and placed his sandaled feet on the Pewter gym leader's back.  
  
"The reason I called this meeting," Lance began in the suite below deck, "is a very serious one indeed. Now, I don't like you, and you don't like me..."  
"I like you," Bruno interjected.  
"...really? Regardless, I want to know what all those Rockets think they're doing on our trip."  
"Well, technically, he's still the true Viridian Gym Leader," Sabrina imparted, "and since Steven called for all the members of the Johto and Indigo Leagues..."  
"We legally can't touch him," finished Blaine.  
"So to get us back for looking the other way when he was forced to flee Kanto, he struts around here as he pleases, flaunting his 'bodyguards' and making a show of pretending Gary is his protégée," Claire added, leaning back in her chair.  
"And it doesn't help that all the Jennies fawning over Erika," Blaine muttered, "I _knew_ we should have invested in a male officer or two."  
"But we _know_ that they're Rockets! Why can't we persecute him for all the charges already filed against him?" Lance demanded.  
"Diplomatic immunity," Lorelei sighed, "a long time ago, someone in the Elite Four granted it to him just as long as he dutifully ran the Viridian Gym. And so far, he has."  
"Until we replaced him...but by protecting and looking after Gary, that qualifies as 'dutifully running' Viridian's gym," Bruno reasoned.  
"So...we can't get rid of him?" the Champion asked weakly.  
"Thanks to that action, no."  
"Who would do that though," Lance wondered out loud, "who would be stupid and short-sighted enough to actually go so far as to grant diplomatic immunity to the leader of an international crime ring?"  
"Who indeed," echoed Claire.  
"Well, you were in the Elite Four for a long time, Agatha, do you know who did it?" queried Bruno, who wanted the tense meeting over as soon as possible.  
_Hunh, that's funny_, thought Lance, _I almost forgot Agatha was here, since she's usually insulting me and administering physical abuse..._ He narrowed his eyes as the reason behind Agatha's uncharacteristic silence became apparent.  
"_You_..."  
  
Whitney sighed deeply as she gazed over the side of the legendary cruise liner, the S.S. Anne. What was wrong with her lately? Everyone in Goldenrod had been concerned since her recent bouts of pensive silence began. They had assumed that she was upset due to Morty and Jasmine's new, official relationship. She supposed that she was, but not for the same reason everyone seemed to believe. Though she'd always been much closer to Morty and Bugsy, lately she'd wanted to spend more and more time with the Olivine gym leader. And somehow, Whitney knew it had nothing to do with the fact that her uncle's farm was just up the road.  
"Hi Whitney!" cried Misty affably, a wide grin stretching across her features.  
"Oh, hey," the Goldenrod gym leader replied, deadpan, and returned to staring at the shimmering water. The silhouette of the youngest Cerulean City sister appeared next to her in the reflection.  
"How's it been goin' for ya?" Misty tried again.  
"Honestly, not that great," the other girl sighed, "I think I may be sick."  
"Sick?" replied her companion, dramatic surprise taking place of the exaggerating enthusiasm, "why do you think that?"  
"Because I'm not normal," Whitney responded, smiling ruefully. She looked up when she heard Misty laugh.  
"Sorry," she giggled, "I guess you didn't intend the pun."  
"You spoke in something other than a question," the girl observed, "You broke character."  
"Am I that transparent?"  
"Like water."  
  
Meanwhile, Gary was enjoying his newfound "friends," parading about the deck flanked by several operatives of Team Rocket.  
"Cassidy!" he barked, "where's the other screw-up?"  
"Um, I don't think you want to know," replied the Rocket girl in question, while restraining a fuming Jesse.  
"Of course I do!" the brown-haired boy proclaimed, "Where is he?"  
"Over there...boss," Butch told him, pointing to a dark corner.  
Gary confidently strode over to the shadowed crook in question, only to quickly retreat with a disgusted look on his face.  
"What's wrong with him now?" Giovanni asked, joining the group.  
  
"See baby, I told you I'd make it up to you," Bugsy cooed, cuddling a merry James as they stepped out from a secluded corner.  
  
"How _could_ you?!" Lance roared in the ancient ghost expert's face. Despite her stunned companions, she had retained an annoyed expression, as if the motives behind her granting Giovanni permission to do as he pleased were obvious.  
"How could I? How could I not?" she snapped back, rising to stand on her chair and bring her to the Champion's eye level.  
"Honestly, I don't think Lance is the only one confused by this," Claire intervened, "and in spite of his self-assuredness and tendency to be an asshole, he's no moron."  
"My sister is right," the dragon master continued, ignoring the compliment/insult, "you owe an explanation to everyone here."  
"Well," Agatha sighed, "it was a long time ago. He was just a young kid, and Prof. Oak was a dashing, thirty-some, sex on legs researcher..."  
"Ahem, could you spare us the romance novel part?" demanded Claire.  
"I'm actually kind of enjoying it," Lorelei commented. Sabrina rolled her eyes. She should have foreseen this.  
"Anyway, this Italian teenager shows up at Indigo Plateau to challenge us and wins. Win actually isn't the right word. He _decimated_ us with this new technique he'd taught all his pokemon called 'fissure.' I think it's a TM now, dirty capitalists..."  
"They are indeed," added Blaine sagely.  
"It's one of those OHKO deals like horn drill or guillotine, only it's reproducible. We didn't have anyone with a flying pokemon back then, and the team was trained so well that the attack almost never missed. After he'd embarrassed us completely, Bonehead's predecessor, Brian, asked him to become a gym leader. Gio agreed, but only if he could have diplomatic immunity. Brian seemed a tad reluctant, but I had seen his battling skills and tight little ass and knew he'd bar plenty of trainers from the Plateau. So I granted it to him and let him replace a crotchety old man for Viridian's Gym Leader position."  
"Old man? You mean that senile coffee addict who lies in the road and keeps sending trainers to the Seafoam Islands in search of Missingno?" Blaine asked.  
"One and the same," Agatha replied.  
  
"I'll tell ya, it's tough ta get a gal dese days," Lt. Surge moaned, sitting at the ship's bar, "Ya calls 'em 'baby' and dey get all restraining-order-like."  
"Flattery doesn't work either," answered Brock, who had finally escaped Pryce's clutches, "they call you cute, pat you on the head, and send you away."  
"You got patted on da head? How many times?"  
"Not in a good way, Surge. Not in a good way."  
"Oh. Dat's depressing."  
"Hello boys," Erika greeting happily, "I'd like to order a few drinks for my friends here." She gestured back to the three or four Officer Jennies and the S.S. Anne's resident Nurse Joy standing behind her. The bartender distributed the drinks and the women blithely sashayed off, leaving Brock and Lt. Surge to stare at each other, both about to cry.  
  
"When are they getting here?" asked an irritated Flannery, "I haven't seen Uncle Blaine in years and I can't wait any longer!"  
"Yeah, and if we have to watch 'Dude, Where's My Carvanha' one more time..." growled Roxanne.  
"I don't know, I think that Ashton Ketchum is kinda cute," Wallace gushed.  
"Remind me to kill the campaign manager that got you elected as the leader of Hoenn," Wattson grumbled, "a fruity coward, leading our nation. At least my son joined the army!"  
"Dude!" whined Brawley, "I could be surfing and playing in nature right now!"  
"You'd be playing in nature all right," Flannery quipped, "I bet you'd really enjoy yourself too!" Roxanne and Wattson joined in on the snickering but the Dewford gym leader barely noticed.  
"Fly! Fly like the free little birdy you are!" cried Winona as she glided by, performing twirls and skips with her arms spread wide.  
Norman yawned, opting to sleep during the wait for the Elite Four/Five to come to whatever decision they were debating at the moment. The gym leaders from the other leagues would arrive soon, and it was all he could do to hope that they weren't as fiery, short-tempered, and eccentric as those of Hoenn. He often wondered if he was the only normal one.  
It wouldn't be long before he discovered just how true the statement was.

* * *

_There you are, Chapter Four. So now everything makes sense and all is right with the world, yay! And no, I didn't forget about the Orange League, it's just I wanted to give them a chapter all to themselves (or at least start one with them in it). Reviews welcome, and I hope you enjoyed!_


	5. Bitter Fruits

**Chapter Five**

_Sorry about the lag in updates, but between work, vacations, and college starting, I haven't had much time for anything. Finally, we get to see a bit of the Orange Gym Leaders, as well as the actual convention getting underway._

* * *

However cheap Lance had proven himself by booking the S.S. Anne in place of the Fast Ship Aqua, Drake had turned out even worse. The elite trainers of the oft forgotten island league had arrived at the docks of their respective towns only to find their champion standing there with a sheepish grin. 

Apparently, their league and its "exclusiveness" brought in less revenue than the others, and so the Orange Crew found themselves in the middle of the ocean, all riding aboard a single lapras.

"I just want to say, this sucks," Sissy spat, kicking the water as they rode by.

"Honey! You don't use that language in front of your younger brother, do you?" Luana gasped, appalled at her youthful colleague's comment. The girl rolled her eyes; her brother was notorious for profanity far worse than that all on his own. It was a good thing she had left him back at the gym, since she had no doubt he'd embarrass everyone if he attended the summit.

"We need to keep our tempers low and our spirits high," advised Drake sagely from atop his dragonite's back.

"How can we keep our tempers down when we're going to be the laughing stock of the meeting?" Rudy asked, voicing the question on everyone's mind.

"I guess we'll just have to show them our unique style," the champion replied, unsure of his own solution, "and hope that they don't snicker behind our backs or laugh in our faces."

"Hey, come on guys! We've got to perk up!" Danny cried, spontaneously leaping to his feet and rocking the lapras badly.

"You're thinking about all the attractive gym leaders, I bet," snapped Sissy, as Danny blushed.

"Oh yeah, like Misty…" whispered Rudy in awe.

"Heh, except that Danny here will be checking out the guys," the young girl winked and poked the taller man with her elbow, "knock 'em dead with that V-neck sweater, pal."

"Oh yeah, like you're going to attract anyone with that bird's nest of a hair style!" he retorted.

"Why you! You're just jealous because you can't have a hot, young, _female_ body like me!"

"Psh! If _I_ had that body, I wouldn't be caught dead wearing a full-length pink skirt!"

"I think we need to all be comfortable with our own bodies here," Drake stated, attempting to mediate between the furious gym leaders.

"Oh dear," Luana sighed, placing a chubby hand on her cheek, "maybe that scrumptious Faulkner will be there. Oooo, and I know that the dreamboat Steven will!"

"Steven…" Danny and Sissy droned in unison, their eyes glazing over and drool appearing on their lips.

"My friends," Rudy interrupted dramatically, gesturing to a large island sporting a massive waterfall, "we have arrived!"

Snapping out of their reverie, a victorious cheer erupted from the Orange Crew, startling their lapras who bucked violently and tossed them all into the shimmering sea.

"Ugh! I _can't_ have Steven see me like this!" Danny cried, tugging on his now limp and waterlogged sweater vest.

"Oh yes, a fashion emergency!" Sissy sneered, "If you ask me, I think Steven should _thank_ Lapras. Now maybe you'll change that God awful outfit!"

The Navel Island Gym Leader's rejoinder died on his lips, however, as he stared wide-eyed into the massive cruise liner heading in their direction.

"I think that now would be a good time to remount Lapras," Rudy suggested, beginning to paddle toward the now calm pokemon.

"We can't let the other Leagues arrive before us!" Luana moaned, "We left a whole week ahead of them!"

"If we show up late, everyone'll start to think we're not a 'real league.'"

"_I'm_ starting to think we aren't."

"Say!" Misty commented from her position aboard the S.S. Anne, "isn't that the Orange Crew down there?"

"Where?" asked Whitney, squinting her eyes, "I don't see anything but water."

"Really?" the red-head leaned over the side, but all she could see were the waves breaking in the ship's wake. "Oh, I guess I was wrong."

"I'm going to say it again. This sucks," muttered Sissy as she and her comrades resurfaced several feet behind the S.S. Anne.

"For once, I'm with you, Sis," Danny agreed, clinging to a piece of driftwood.

"Those silly gooses! Didn't they see us in the way of their boat?" wondered Luana absent mindedly.

Drake expelled a defeated sigh. He'd hoped to use this convention as a way to showcase the true power and individuality of the Orange League…well, and to dispel those nasty rumors that they were a bunch of island hicks who knew nothing of civilization.

Which, after careful examination of the gym leaders, might indeed be true. Sissy was hot tempered and bossy, Danny spent most of his time trying to resurrect dead fashion, and Luana rarely had any clue as to what was going on. Left with himself and Rudy, Drake turned to the latter for some miniscule crumb of encouragement.

"Misty…" the Trovita Gym Leader whispered dreamily, his glazed eyes focused on the retreating ship.

Drake wondered if anyone would notice if he just sank underwater right now and never came up.

"They're HERE!" Flannery shrieked, jovially bouncing into the common room, rousing Norman out of a very pleasant dream about his wife.

"Who's here?" he asked irritably, rubbing sleep out of his eyes and mentally cursing the red-head's parents.

"The other Leagues! They've finally made it!" she screeched in reply as Wattson barreled down the hallway and burst into the room.

"My boy Surge is here?" he inquired.

"Yep," Flannery nodded, "and my uncle!"

"Have you people never heard of beauty sleep?" a drowsy Wallace demanded as he wandered in, "how am I supposed to snag a convention romance with you keeping me awake all the time?"

Norman muttered something about what a shame it was, took his tongue out of his cheek, and lay back down on the sofa. Maybe if he had a relative or old friend coming he could join in on Wattson's jolly laughter and Flannery's unbridled glee, but the truth was that everyone he cared about sat right there in Hoenn. His Johto career had been a bitter one, with the Elite Four turning down his bid to lead a gym time after time. On the first instance he'd been gracious; after all, Morty did possess occult powers second only to Sabrina and her family. Next had been Olivine, but he really hadn't wanted the responsibility of caring for Amphy in the lighthouse, so Jasmine was welcome to it. His pokemon were deemed too powerful to lead either Violet City or Azalea Town's gyms, and besides, Faulkner's father had held the Zephyr Badge for a long time and Bugsy was incredibly tough for a glorified bug catcher.

But then they'd gone over the edge. When a position opened up at the Goldinrod Gym, Norman had pounced on the chance to train where he lived. He'd been a citizen of the city for over two decades, had married, and given birth to two children there. Well, technically, his _wife_ had given birth to their son and daughter, but that was beside the point. Even the preferred type for the gym, normal, was like a sign from God that this job belonged to him. And then that flashy jerk, bag of rocks, wanna be costume freak, and psychopath woman had denied it to him. They went against God Himself and bestowed the Plain Badge on to some inept little girl with pink hair and a milktank. He wasn't sure if the wound would ever heal.

"God…a _milktank_!" Norman muttered under his breath as his fellow leaders dashed about, readying the Grand Hall for the visitors.

"We know what has been bothering you, esteemed colleague."

"AHH!" Norman cried, jerking in surprise as Liza and Tate appeared before him like the twins out of The Shining.

"So sorry, we did not intend to frighten you," they apologized in unison.

"Quit the act, will you? I know you're just doing this to impress your cousin," the normal type trainer muttered, sulkily rubbing his bruised behind. The twins laughed.

"Yeah, so what if we are?" Tate demanded, crossing his arms while his sister extended a hand to the fallen gym leader.

"Sabrina's known worldwide as a first class prankster," Liza explained, "is it so wrong to want to make her proud?"

"It's our blood right, afterall."

"That's…nice, I suppose. But that doesn't explain why you're bothering me right now. You have family coming from Kanto, why don't you run along and use your telekinesis to hang crepe paper or something."

"Oh poor Mr. Keeper of the Balance Badge, why don't you use your cheer to uplift our tired spirits?" Liza snapped sarcastically.

"Seriously though," Tate interjected, "what right do you have to pull down the whole mood of the affair? I mean, Steven isn't just doing this arbitrarily, he does have a purpose, but isn't it nice to see friendly faces again? I find it hard to believe there's not a single person from the 'old country' you miss."

"Johto holds nothing but sour memories for me."

"Care to share?"

"It's not something _children_ could understand; especially ones that run their own gym…one in fact that is of higher prestige than others run by competent adults."

"Surely," spoke Tate slowly, "you don't insinuate that my sister and I are _incompetent_."

"Because we _know_," continued Liza, in an eerie display of the twins' powers, "that someone as intelligent as yourself would _never_ stoop so low as to utter discriminatory comments based on one's age."

"Well…I…uh…" Norman stuttered, attempting to stall the inevitable fury written on the twins' suddenly shadowed faces. In Hoenn, common knowledge dictated that _no one_ was ever to insult the young gym leaders' skills, especially based on their ages—to do so invited disaster and wrath. Norman pictured his wife and children in his mind and frantically offered a mental prayer to whichever deity listened.

"There you are!" a cheerful voice exclaimed, and a pair of arms swept the angered black-haired psychics into a warm hug, preserving Norman's life…at least for the time being.

"SABRINA!" Liza and Tate cried shrilly, pawing at their older cousin's long, ebony locks, giggling madly.

"It's been far too long," the president of Kanto laughed, "I really should come visit more often. Look at how big you've gotten! The last time we were together like this was that one Christmas party when you were eight!"

"That was two years ago," Liza teasingly scolded.

"We know you're busy, but would it kill you to teleport out every so often?" Tate chimed in with mock affront.

"Well! You may be the leaders of a Silver Level Gym, but you have no idea what it's like to run a country," the tall woman shouted in defense, walking off with a twin in each arm, "come on, let's go play with my demonic doll."

"YAYYY!!!"

"Well. That was fun," Norman grumbled as he dusted himself off. It seemed that Sabrina had been first to arrive because of her teleporting ability; the other gym leaders were just now reaching Ever Grande's Peak after the long hike up the mountain face. Gasping, Norman noticed a flash of pink hair that definitely didn't belong to that vapid Waterflower sister.

"It's _her_…"

_

* * *

__And so ends Chapter Five. This was long in the making, I know, so I tried to make it worth the wait by lengthening the chapter a bit. Good times all around. Updates will hopefully be more frequent, since I'm on my winter break from good old college, but with the holidays, I can't promise too much. Just know that this **will** be finished. I can't stand it when someone writes a fic I really get into and then never ends it. I'm left to wonder what happens, which sometimes is a good creative exercise, but mostly, I feel unfulfilled. And I would never wish that on you fine people. So, I apologize for the wait, and look forward to more chapters in the future!_


	6. Meeting of the Empty Minds

_Huge thanks to everyone who hasn't given up on this fic yet! Sorry for the…erm, five year hiatus. Heh, heh._

* * *

"All I'm sayin'," Surge panted, "is dat dey coulda installed an elevator, ya know?"

"For once," Pryce muttered, "I have to agree with you." He grimaced slightly as Faulkner soared overhead on his pidgeot and tried to ignore the calls of encouragement from Chuck, who had scaled the rocky path like one of those morbidly obese hikers. Mustn't be that much to do on Cianwood besides rigorous training and mixing homemade medicines, he assumed.

"I have to say I'm a little miffed Sabrina just up and left us at the dock," Whitney complained, crossing her arms in a display of anger. Jasmine giggled slightly, setting the pink haired girl's heart into a short flutter.

"You mean to say you wouldn't do that if you could?" she asked as Janine and Koga agilely zipped by them.

"Hell no! I have respect for the rest of you," she scoffed, "I mean, Morty can teleport too, but you don't see _him_ doing it."

"Well, that's 'cause I couldn't leave behind my ladyfriend," he cooed, catching up to the two girls and sliding his arm around Jasmine's waist. She laughed again in a flirty way, but this time all Whitney could do was wince. Slowly she let her pace drag so that the oblivious lovebirds moved ahead of her. They failed to notice.

My. This sucked. As if to rub salt in her fresh wound, Erika and her Jenny satellites marched past the young girl, Lt. Surge and Brock in hot pursuit. Morty was supposed to be her best friend, but how could she possibly confide in him about this?

"Hey, Morty," she mumbled to herself, "guess what? I want to date your girlfriend! Yeah. That'll go over real well." As of late Whitney felt that she and her ghost-type training friend were growing apart due to her hideous secret, which rather upset her. Bugsy of course had been far more empathetic, but he was having problems of his own right now—it was rather apparent from the shrill squeals from the rear that he and James had gotten into yet another lovers' spat, the effects of which were rattling through the entire Viridian entourage.

To make matters worse, it seemed that Misty had deemed herself Whitney's official pep squad. The entire boat ride was spent making awkward conversation with the youngest (and most competent) of the Waterflower sisters. Not that Misty wasn't good company, under different circumstances, she could see becoming friends, but the problem was that there was just too much on Whitney's mind at the moment. Fortunately, she currently had a respite; Misty was busy chasing Brock and trying to herd her sisters.

"Having siblings must be tough," she said aloud.

"I assure you, it's not a task for the faint of heart."

The answer came as such a shock that the Goldinrod Gym leader almost collapsed in surprise. Her head jerked up to see who'd spoken and came face to face with none other than her country's leader.

"Ms. President," she stuttered, but the dragon trainer cut her off.

"Whitney, really. If you're going to be a part of the Johto League, you need to realize that we're all colleagues here. Call me Claire."

"Sorry. Um, Claire."

"Right. So back to the topic of siblings…"

At that moment, Claire's own dearest baby brother seethed, flanked on either side by Bruno and Will. After that sorry excuse she'd blurted out on the ship as to why Giovanni and his little minions were permitted to come and ruin his show of power and majesty, Agatha had decided to go completely silent and refuse to speak to anyone. At the moment Lorelei, Blaine and Karen were ineffectually attempting to convince her otherwise, but it wasn't going well.

"Will," the Dragonmaster snapped, causing the younger man to spring to attention, "how quickly and efficiently can you dig a grave?"

"Uh, well, sir…"

"C'mon, Lance. Don't be like that," Bruno interjected. He laid an enormous hand on his friend's shoulder, only to have it violently shrugged off.

"Keep your meaty paws off of me!" the Champion snarled, wrapping his cape around him to keep him free from his shirtless comrade. Bruno sighed and turned his face forward. The sooner this stupid conference was over, the better.

"Champion?" Will ventured meekly.

"What now?"

"Um, shouldn't YOU be the first one in line? You know, to head up the party?"

"Sabrina already beat me by quite a bit," Lance sniffed.

"I'm only suggesting that perhaps you want to take a speedier method," the psychic trainer mused, "and I'm reminding you that you have a very swift dragonite."

Lance remained silent for a few seconds, mulling over what his subordinate had just uttered, before looking upward and seeing Faulkner cruising at a rather languid pace. Without much trouble he could catch up and surpass the pidgeot, and be the second to arrive at the building!

Grinning, he pulled the pokeball from his belt and with a startling flourish, he released dragonite. In a fluid motion he leapt onto its back and soared up into the air…

…where he promptly collided with Drake, who had apparently had a similar brainstorm.

The two Champions crashed back to earth with a thunderous crunch, eliciting a quiet cackle from Agatha. The other gym leaders all stopped dead and turned to see two of the most powerful trainers in the world trying to escape the confines of Lance's cape.

From the extreme rear, the rest of the Orange Crew jogged into view, their clothes damp and rumpled and their hair mussed. If the expressions on their faces were any indication, this was far from acceptable.

"You all look like someone beat you within an inch of your lives and then drowned you!" Agatha exclaimed as Giovanni expelled a sigh. At least it wasn't Jesse and James turning up looking like something the meowth dragged in.

Finally disentangling themselves from the black fabric, Drake and Lance dramatically jumped back to their feet.

"LEAGUE MEETING!" they roared in unison. For several moments all they received were blank stares, but finally the gym leaders began to grumble and all crowd around the two Champions.

"Ahem," Lance began, "so it seems that we've arrived."

"Um, yes," Drake echoed, "we have indeed."

"And I'm happy to say that I've made contact with Drake of the Orange Crew," announced Lance, to his colleague's confusion.

"Erm…I think they might have already…"

"So now that we're all together," the Indigo Champion continued, cutting Drake off, "I'd like to say a few words…"

"STEVEN!" Luana, Danny and Sissy cried.

"What? No, what I was going to say was actually…"

Lorelei tapped Lance on the shoulder and nodded toward further up the path, where a young, handsome, silver-haired man was striding toward them, the rest of the Hoenn League in tow.

* * *

_Thanks again for all the diligent of you out there who took the time to review! I'm taking some of your advice and spending a few shorter chapters focusing on the major characters who actually have some sort of plot thread going for them (see if you can guess who these are...it shouldn't be hard). I do still remember where this fic was going, and hopefully I'll be able to finish it. And then maybe pigs will fly and volcanoes will erupt chocolate._


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